I got an e-mail from a friend. He got some stuff that I sent him. He basically wrote that he got the stuff and ended by saying 'Have a good Thanksgiving. We have a lot to be thankful for'
I think he had it right. Stress or not in life, it's been good. Every year, you at least be thankful for the new additions - the kids - Carmel, Lucas, Blaise, Nathan. The kids that are to come for friends. The growth of kids that you've known for awhile. The beauty of being an uncle to family and Family.
The weather is nice and cool outside - 45 right now, but there is definitely a warmth that comes to mind with you are minded of the babies that just fall asleep on your shoulder or the little kids that run around and then glue themselves to your leg - and the occasional wrestling.
I have not eaten so well in years. New York was phenomenal - it has a special place in my stomach - and extra compartment that just opens up. I have enjoyed many wonderful meals with friends and family. They have always been gracious to share their new discoveries with me. An extra mmm mmm to Snow's, the chicken and rice cart and Korean Fried Chicken.
Work in this economy truly is a blessing - to be able to interact with others and be given wages to live on. If I had not changed jobs, I would have had a lot more stress in life for a 1% raise at best. Instead I am at a new job with less stress and a more than 10% raise. With that I have been thankful and able to think more generously about giving to others - taking care of the bill or contributing more. I am thankful to be able to give more.
I am thankful for the openness of my friends. I went through a pretty rough patch with the passing of my uncle Pat. I was surrounded with friends that knew how to listen well more than anything else. They were good at giving me my space and being around when I needed someone. I have engaged in some pretty tough conversations of what happens when faith intersects life, and I am honored to be around people that will listen and wrestle with the issues - not give answers, but giving their hearts to the issue . . . not even the issue - the people that it affects.
Aside from the traffic on the roads, I really like Thanksgiving. Before the craziness of what people think is a cultural entitlement to gifts, there is this time of coming together for a meal - a true communion.
The other day I was watching Zachy and Gabby. I love those kids.
Zachy has grown up so much - very responsible. He's a great helper. He got all excited about finding ways to get Gabby to come to the dinner table and eat. Gabby knows my name well now. When I arrived and came in, she was all excited to run to her parents and tell them that Uncle Bri was there. Gabby was all animated - sometimes being a puppy. And boy can she turn on those puppy dog eyes. I loved that the kids were excited to show me their new beds. Zachy got out an extra wii controller so the both of us could play Star Wars together.
I am reminded that Zachy is about the age I also saw Joshua taking the steps of being big brother to Noah. You can see Zachy trying to do good things to help Gabby. Even if he is frustrated at her lack of sharing, his principles are usually right. Gabby in her girliness adores this pink purse that says "Princess" on it. Rachel told me that Zachy was at this party one time and he cashed in a lot of his tickets to get that pink purse for Gabby. What a guy! I still remember when we went to Chuck E Cheese, he made sure to get a prize for Gabby (as well as himself).
I don't think I've ever heard Rach or Wey tell Zachy what it means to be a big brother. I'm sure early on they told him that he had to be gentle with her when she was just an infant, but nothing about the day to day. I don't know if you can really teach the kind of generosity that Zachy has early on. Sharing is one thing, but buying something solely for someone else - that's another. And let's be honest, it wasn't one of those - let me get it for you, but I'll use it later for myself. I don't see Zachy want to flaunt that purse around his friends.
At the end of the night, Rachel told the kids to race to give me a hug. Zachy won, but it was even cute to see Gabby frustrated that she thought there wasn't room to hug me. She's one goofy little girl with a great big brother. I am really thankful to be able to peek into their lives and see them grow.
*Zachy asked to pray at dinner. He thanked God that his mom and dad could go to a wedding. He prayed that they would have a good time. He thanked God for me being there to hang out with them too. Zachy really didn't ask for anything for himself. He was just thankful and prayed for others to have a good time. Maybe I need to take a page out of his book . . .
I usually re-process days during the evening or the next morning. It's usually what keeps me up at night or is the 1st thing that I think of in the morning. After going to church so many years, usually I've heard a lot of the same viewpoints - just different kind of contexts. Don't get me wrong I still have my struggles figuring out my stance on various positions - you kind of change as you are exposed to more in life.
Experience in any situation is key, but it's not like I want to experience everything. I respect the people in the military that understand the value of a human life because they have taken it or seen it taken in front of them, but I never want that. I will never experience stuff like birthing a child or being born with autism, but I have respect for those people.
The other day my friend was talking about hearing a speaker talk about suffering and creation. There was a piece about suffering that I found really interesting, but it takes more time to process. Most people know that piece about "Consider it pure joy . . ." and how it is a good thing that grows you, etc. But it has always seemed like an individualized thing. That's what I go through. People will try to be your friend - sympathy, empathy. I never felt like that verse in James helped much. It was more of a "This is supposed to comfort me, but this doesn't take any of the pain away."
But my friend told me the speaker asked people to stand up that have dealt with cancer - had it, had a family member with it, etc. He talked about how in life, suffering brings people together. Regardless of their differences, it brings people together - some walls (income, social class, race, nationality) break down and people connect with others. And instead of in a post-suffering experience, you get a glimpse of something beautiful in the moment.
I think one piece is obvious - duh - when someone has a major illness, family comes together - pay their respects. Some family reunions are messier as blame can be shoved around. Other times people put aside their old arguments or even realize that life is too short to live holding a grudge. That's one side.
On the other side, there's this thing that society has started - support groups. A friend was talking to me that there is a support group for mom's that are stepmoms. I thought it was beautiful. Moms that came into a family where there was already a kid or more, and these moms are together to try to talk about and give more love to the family instead of just being some additional person that is there in the house. There are lots of cancer groups out there. Groups whose existence of some issues that are too taboo for mention in the workplace - even church at some places.
I really like the idea of how suffering can bring unity to humanity - allowing people to cross borders. It doesn't happen all the time though. Sometimes you gotta ask for help. Sometimes you gotta wait for others to show up.
In sports, it's one thing to practice by yourself. Another to have someone along pushing you. Even if it's someone feeding tennis balls, keeping count of laps/suicides, etc. I think about the people cheering on the sidelines of races. I think of coaches that tell have told me - one more. Only to find that after you finish that lap, sprint, rep or whatever to find them say "one more!' - and you keep doing it. I realize that suffering breeds a dependency of unity, and I can live with that.
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The year is not over yet, but I have to say that this year has been filled with moments of things just being "right."
Sometimes I think we wander around - trying to figure out what we're supposed to be doing, where are we supposed to be. Where should I live? Who should I be hanging around? etc. Honestly you never know until you look back.
So far this year:
I left Starbucks for Jamba Juice
I left about 3 weeks of vacation that I never got to take or receive pay for.
But I also left a lot of stress. I actually got to take unpaid time off to visit my beautiful niece and nephew (brother and sister and law too but let's be honest on why I really went)
I got to take a 2 week trip with my parents and go on a good hike up a mountain - seeing my parents' perseverance and commitment to "togetherness"
I got to take a week vacation in NY with Alex (but to be honest, it was about the food - j/k)
I've moved to East Austin - a little less cushy, but it has made me a better person
I'm biking around. I'm starting to run again - I actually feel like I'm running better than when I was training for my marathon.
I took the step to commit to tutoring at a local middle school - and I think about my kids and their progress
I've gotten to babysit (aka play) with my friends' kids again - used to just be little Tsangs and Lees, but we've added Peters and another Lee.
I'm not working insane hours with fast food as my only option late at night.
I'm cooking a little more and enjoying a meal with Kev as we watch TV
*Kev and I first really bonded eating these awesome sub sandwiches in Albany, NY watching playoff basketball.
My Uncle Pat passed away after a long battle with cancer this year, but things felt right when I went back to see him for the last time. You really don't know how to say bye to someone when you know that it's probably the last time you'll see him breathing, sitting next to you. That trip was definitely one where in the moment, it felt like I should have been there. A week or two later after he passed away and all the family was there - it just felt right. Chris' flight got delayed in Dallas - which allowed him and his family to be around.
I wouldn't say that God came down and threw this vision of what I should be doing. There were some risks here and there, but nothing too horrible. I just feel very blessed. I feel like I'm learning again - in a new way. I cried the most I have in years when my uncle passed away. I felt fortunate to have peers honestly ask how I was doing. I could handle things in my head alright, but it was healthy to talk about things and let it out.
There are new challenging situations at Vox - the issues have always existed in life, but it's a different thing when they intersect your community. I'm thankful for the leadership and the honesty in our circle of friends. The insight and the laughter are all part of the feeling of things just being "right."
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I used to say that I love it when it's cold outside and you just breathe the cool crisp air, but something changed. Hannah and I ran a small loop around Town Lake (a part that I never ran before but is awesome). A week before, she kicked my butt burning me at the end. That day sucked - not cuz she beat me, but because we made a few stops here and there where water fountains didn't work. It was a shorter run, but the humidity made it feel like 90 and you could feel the sweat on your shirt weigh you down. This day was different. We went longer. We never stopped. We weren't tired. We felt good because it was just right - you could breathe in the air, but you didn't have to process cold to warm. You sweat and it just naturally dried. The air was crisp and clean, but you didn't even notice it.
It was like the Sunday ride the week before. It wasn't about skill or anything. Just riding and being with people - everyone from the high mileage bikers (Harm, Enoch, Gid) to the casual (Jen, Tandra, Joshua). I didn't feel like I was doing much the entire time other than chatting with people. I love our community. Those are truly the moments of just being. Those moments of just doing life together.
The other morning I made this awesome breakfast hash that Kev and I shared. That evening Kev cooked up the steaks. A day of good eating and just resting. Oh yeah, and I did have work in between that, but work is no longer one of the major things going on in my life.
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There's this feeling after a good shower where you feel like your skin is breathing. But then there's this feeling after you use one of those face wash soaps - then after that you REALLY feel like your pores have all opened and you're breathing in life. That's when I'm truly refreshed and ready to go.
I am usually a restless person, but there's this image/theory I have. When I take a good shower and then go to bed, it's like my body is breathing in rest - the pores are taking in the softness of the little cotton fibers in my blanket. It's like I'm absorbing the physical nature of rest. Add some cold weather and you gotta love staying in bed. It just feels right.
I am in New York as I write/type. I'm taking a break. It's been great checking things out. One of my favorite themes of writing about usually has to do with community - whether it be the kids, families, various affinity groups, etc.
Last week, I was eating out with two friends - single guys. Out of the blue, one says 'marriage - that is so stupid. Why do people think of that stuff?'
Well, I have found something deep and profound . . . ok maybe neither.
So I had one mission for my trip - to eat - to eat a lot and to eat well.
Day 1 - mainly traveling - so let's avoid that
Day 2 - hung out with my brother, Scott, Marian, Wei, and Sandy
We had a long list ahead of us and we figured we had to have a strategy. We would share plates.
So for starters;
1. Clinton Street Bakery - split the blueberry pancakes and brioche French toast
2. Doughnut plant - halved some donuts - tres leches, PB & J, creme brulee
Boring part - shopping - H&M, Uniqlo - mainly was the guys waiting for the girls - the price you gotta pay
3. Joe Shanghai - 5 orders of XLB, veggies, rice, and tea
Hanging out rushing for tickets
4. Ippudo - Shoyu ramen with braised pork belly and an extra serving of noodles (could have done another but I had to make room) - this was the only thing I didn't share
5. Bon Chon - Mad for Chicken - split spicy and salty wings added some soju as wel.
6. Halal Cart - Chicken and Rice Split 6 ways
This was a wonderful day. We never could have hit all the places and eaten all that food without the help of 6 people eating - everything was like a small appetizer for the next meal. They say that it's best to eat several small meals rather than a large meal or two a day. Add walking all day and I would say we were really healthy as well.
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Scott pointed out to me that the effect of eating several meals is a definite pro of being married - especially if your spouse to a light weight. The only con he pointed out was waiting during shopping, but he actually called it a push since he said Marian shops for him too so that cuts down time.
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The next day was harder - not because we ate so much the day before. It was harder because Al went off to Jersey and Wei and Sandy left back for Austin. 3 is a tough number. If it wasn't for Sandy joining us for dinner - and picking out good Thai food, we would not have been able to gloriously have a 2nd dinner of UF Chicken - unidentified flying chickens. We got to taste all the flavors as well.
Eatting at so many places would be a very difficult task to complete if I was alone, but it was definitely a team effort that made it possible to hit so many places so quickly - probably helped shave off a day or so.
This post is all about the benefits of community. Let's be honest - one person can't eat that many places. Even a married couple is limited. 3 was difficult. The 'economies of scale' start around 4 - maximized around 6. 8 becomes a little hard to get into a place all together.
Glorious . . . food. More to come and go down my belly.
Hello Internets! Just wanted to drop a quick note that I have a blog post up on the Experience MHGS website. Check it out when you get a chance. Peace and Blessings to you all.
I'm putting together one night of art from Gideon Tsang, WAFA Seattle, Katherine McCrea, Limit66, SavannahRed, Fireseed Austin, Georgia Van and myself on Central Asia/Afghanistan. Proceeds of silent auction go to helping an NGO worker in Afhganistan you may know.
Friends, come out to SPACE12 from 6-10pm on the 18th and see the awesome (and reasonably priced) art! Some of the artists have already sent me pictures of their work for the show and it all looks awesome.
Friends, come out to SPACE12 from 6-10pm on the 18th and see the awesome (and reasonably priced) art! Some of the artists have already sent me pictures of their work for the show and it all looks awesome.
